Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
