Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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