She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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