Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Randomize
