i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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