What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
