Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
