last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
