I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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