If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
