Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
