Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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