what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
