you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
