Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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