dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
