Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
