the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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