just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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