Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
