my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
