Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
