Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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