my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
