I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
