he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
