I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
