According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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