Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
