Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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