Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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