Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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