i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
