I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
