there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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