hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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