why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
