I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
