oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He felt like a one man threesome
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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