I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm too high and old for this...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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