oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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