So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
