i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
