I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
