She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
