woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
