My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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