Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
