I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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