I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
