And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
