I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
