Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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