she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
