you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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