I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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