Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
