Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
