I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
