I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I enjoy the company of your penis
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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