Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
