Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize