yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
