My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
