so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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