All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
