Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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