oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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