Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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