Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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