I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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