if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
