That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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