i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize