dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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