Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
