at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
