I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
