I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
