walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
