i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
