I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
