pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The uberlube is also flammable
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize