She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
