I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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