You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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