My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
