He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
