the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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