Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
