Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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