I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
