You really coming over, don't trick.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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