I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
