He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
