We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
