jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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