Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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