I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
