3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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