I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize