In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
