my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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