how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize