im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
