never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
