I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So. Much. Porn.
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