Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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