it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
