no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
