I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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