On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
