how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
