ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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